There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Rumble strips road head = magical
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
