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im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
