I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize