just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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