tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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