I think im going to throw up on grandma
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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