Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
