My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
