So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
