she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
MIDGETS
????
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
