Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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