Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
