Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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