Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
