My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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