We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
