Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
