We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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