One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
