I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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