I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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