Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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