Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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