Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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