Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So squirting runs in the family.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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