Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
