My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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