Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
