He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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