she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize