we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
