I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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