Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
