Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
