I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
