No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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