I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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