I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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