i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
