The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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