Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
