I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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