my vag is so smooth its legendary
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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