Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
