Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
