My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
