dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
