why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
