She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You are the jesus of drinking
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
