I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
