my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize