I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
