Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
