Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
