Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize