You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
