I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
40s are totally the cure
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
