At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
