did you get engaged???
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
