I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
