Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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