I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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