Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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