No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
