some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
