I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
