Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
