4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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