Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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