dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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