I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
