I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my sisters under your porch take her home
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
