I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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