I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
