it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
