You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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