honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
