he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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