Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
