Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
