I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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