Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
