We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
