I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
