your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
