I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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