how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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