Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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