So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
