i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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