That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
