mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
