I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
