I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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