i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
